There’s a new concept I’ve been hearing about frequently from friends, podcasts and even sitcoms: situationship.
It’s neither a relationship nor a friendship; it’s something in between.
It seems to be something popular culture has conjured up; some call it avoidant attachment, others define it as modern romanticism. This avoidance promises freedom to the parties involved, while simultaneously justifying the abandonment of responsibilities necessary for the relationship’s continuation.
This state, which we can define as a kind of ambivalent situation, offers the parties a comfort zone based on their own interests and expectations.
The words of someone I don’t particularly want to remember today fill my ears: Expectation = Disappointment.
So, what supply and demand is the concept of situationship really, how did it arise and what has it evolved into?
Situationship and its entry into our middle of lives
A brief definition of situationship can be given as a state in which people live together without defining their relationship. This can be romantic, partly emotional or even sexual.
There are no labels, expectations are unspoken, and there are no or rare plans for the future. In short, it”s a strange, lingering, and questionable gray area that, while not requiring the effort to maintain a relationship, can leave as much of an emotional impact as a relationship.
Among the main reasons for the increasing prevalence of situationship in people’s lives, digital dating apps are at the top of the list.
These apps, which are increasing in number every day, tell people there are more options out there and people in digital dating tend to be less committed and more likely to try out different people.
The development and spread of a culture of independence and people’s individual and career goals, have also changed what they expect from relationships. Individuals now focus on establishing and saving themselves before investing in a relationship.
Another reason for avoiding relationships is the trauma of past relationships; therefore, everyone is now more cautious and wary. This timidity also leads some people to refuse to show and declare the relationship, which is often seen as a formal mechanism of validation.
Is situationship a comfort zone or a trap?
People are more prone to situationship because relationships that lack commitment – or involve less responsibility – don’t involve planned meetings or the goal of meeting each other’s families.
Since the relationship isn’t structured according to a schedule, it doesn’t interfere with daily work, travel, or personal time. It seems practical because it allows people to get to know each other and even try things out before committing to a serious relationship.
The biggest comfort it provides is maintaining a sense of independence. Even while dating someone, one’s personal space is preserved, and one’s sense of self remains intact.
It’s true that situationship provides a kind of comfort zone for all parties involved. Because it eliminates fundamental relationship behaviors like uncertainty, responsibility, and accountability, it makes both parties feel more comfortable in the situation.
People don’t have to explain anything to the other person, they can choose not to make future plans together, thus relieving them of emotional burdens.
Some also prefer situationship because they want to avoid taking on responsibility. Forming a deep connection with another person, avoiding conflict, and refraining from emotional labor is difficult for some people.
Some people are simply afraid because of past disappointments in relationships; abandonment has traumatized them, they’ve been left halfway, or they’re simply hurt.
Then there are the greedy ones; always seeking something better, wanting to keep options open, dating everyone, and never wanting to fully commit to anyone.
Often, these three motivations intertwine and people choose to remain in this gray area sometimes out of fear, sometimes because they don’t want to disrupt their comfort zone, and sometimes because they want much more.
Will situationship become a new relationship model?
As the digital age advances and new digital communication channels emerge, it seems difficult and even more likely, for uncertainties in relationships to disappear completely.
Economic crises, changes in family structures, and the rise of self-centered culture are among the important social behaviors that fuel this type of relationship, leading to an increase in the age of marriage and individuals becoming more accustomed to living alone.
People are becoming more self-aware; individuals who know what they want and clearly define their boundaries tolerate uncertainty less.
This awareness suggests that situationship can progress in both directions; either it will be experienced as a conscious choice, or it will become a temporary stop quickly abandoned by those seeking clarity in their relationships.
If you think you are currently in such a relationship, the first step you can take is to honestly examine yourself.
- How does this situation make you feel? What do you really want?
- Are you having fun? Does it give you security? Do you see a future?
Setting your own boundaries, not underestimating your feelings and trying to predict how long the uncertainty you are in will last are crucial at this point.
Being straightforward doesn’t mean not being romantic; in fact, it strengthens self-respect and respect for others, and helps people feel at peace.
Situationship can be a kind of adaptation in the era we live in now, which we call modern life; the comfort zone is nice, but you can’t always live there…
Resources and further link…
- The psychology of situationships — The almost relationship
- Escaping the situationship: Understanding and addressing modern relationship…
- Situationship: How cultural norms shape modern relationships
- Psychology behind situationship
- A relationship coach shares why it’s harder to get over a situationship
